On my lunch break at work I decide to hit the drive thru at Taco Bell. As I’m pulling in, a woman (real sweet and Mrs. Doubtfire looking) pulls up in a van alongside the curb in front of Taco Bell. She’s just sitting there so I’m wondering if she intends on parking her car (but it’s a red zone) or if she is planning on pulling into the drive thru anytime this decade.
So I pull up alongside her and mouth/hand gesture ‘Are you pulling in?’ This bitch interrupts me! Who does that when someone is mouthing words to you – a moment where paying attention is of the utmost importance! Anyway, she ‘interrupts’ me to say ‘You want to park?’ and doesn’t let me ‘answer’. Instead, she reverses her maroon, pedophile-looking van ASSUMING I want to park (in a damn red zone!). So, I do what any other NORMAL person would and pull up behind the last car in the drive thru line, completely ignoring this insanity.
At this point, I have no idea what her original plan was…until I look in my rear view mirror. She is shaking her head, like she is completely astonished that this played out the way it did. It’s amazing to me how pissed she looks! The best part is, the moment she has a chance, she pulls up next to me and pulls up towards the front of my car, leaving me with two options; 1. Hit her fucked up van or 2. Let her go ahead of me. Can you imagine this lunatic?! Of course I let her go ahead, watching her intently as she never even looks at me (which is an admission of knowing you’re a complete asshole).
At this point, I am imagining myself getting out of my car and telling her off and then taking her to the same curb she was parked next to moments before and performing a 2012 remake of American History X, directed by and starring ME as the lead (originally played by Edward Norton).
Instead, what I really did was sat in my car and waited my turn quietly. Who would have thought that this sweet looking lady was such a gutter slut?! And you know WHY this happened? Because I was nice enough to stop and see if she needed to pull in. I should have just pulled in on my own and never paid her any mind. I can’t believe the attitude I got for an attempted Good Samaritan act. I would have gotten out and called her a cunt, but she was missing two crucial components of that word; warmth and depth.
I proceeded through the drive thru line, ordered my chicken fresco tacos and arrived back at work on time, with a smile.